As I share my story, my past, and the biggest regret of my life, I put myself in a vulnerable position, but I share in hopes that if it helps one girl or save one baby…it is worth it. For twenty-five years, I kept my abortion a secret to the world but now I need to let the world know that abortion hurts women and stops a beating heart! I will no longer be silent!
I had an abortion back in 1978 just five years after Roe v. Wade legalized abortion in America in 1973. There were no Crisis Pregnancy Centers anywhere in my area and I thought my only option was abortion. I was 20 years old and had completed one and a half years of college. I was on the varsity team of both volleyball and basketball and doing very well in college. I was home for Christmas break and ran into an old high school friend. Our relationship was rekindled in a more intimate way, which led me to think that maybe this guy could possibly be my future husband.
After experiencing flu symptoms for over a week, I went to the local clinic to get checked out. I’ll never forget the nurse coming into the room and saying, “We gave you a pregnancy test and the result is positive!” I was so shocked! I didn’t know what to do at that point. I walked out in a state of numbness. My mother asked me what they diagnosed and I said, “Oh, they think it’s just a touch of the flu”. That small lie turned into a big catastrophic nightmare in the years ahead. I did not want to be pegged as a failure in my large family, or the child that tarred the family name. I even thought about the father of the baby, “What would he think if he knew I was pregnant”? I thought he would love me less, so considering all of these false assumptions, I went and secretly made an appointment to have an abortion. Besides…it is just a blob of tissue…so I thought! I will get rid of this problem myself and no one will ever know and things will go on as usual!. Thus began my life of irreversible consequences.
After arriving back home from the abortion clinic, I laid on my bed, wept bitterly as I held my stomach. I knew at that time that I had just terminated a life that would ultimately be born 33 weeks later. I instinctively named her “Erica” that very day. A couple weeks later, I called my boyfriend and told him what had happened and of course he was shocked. At the same time he was relieved to know that he no longer had any responsibility. We never saw each other again.
Four years had passed and my life was in a downward spiral. The life that I knew no longer existed. I had no sense of purpose, no desire to finish college. I was in and out of many relationships, drinking heavily and not able to hold a job for any length of time. I was trying desperately to hide my guilt, pain, and the shame of my abortion that by this time was buried deep down into the depth of my soul. I was looking for help, but looking in all of the wrong places. And this is where my story becomes two-fold…I become pregnant again!
This was a turning point in my life. It was then that I decided I could no longer lead this type of life-style. I knew that God was knocking on the door of my heart. I heard a small tiny voice say, “Karen, if you keep running from me and do not be obedient in the things I have called you to do in this life and do not face the consequences of your lifestyle (carrying this baby to term), I am going to have to take you home”. I got on my knees and asked God’s forgiveness! It was right there and then that I realized I was going to keep the baby no matter what. Even though the biological father was willing to pay for the abortion, I told him “absolutely not”. That man soon stepped out of my life as well.
In August of 1982, a baby boy was born! That boy is now a grown man and served our country in the Military forces for four years. He was awarded a purple heart in October of 2005 and I truly believe that because of his life and my willingness to give him a chance to live, that he has in return, defended my life…defended your life, and our freedoms here in America. He now is a Police Officer in Nashville, TN and is a wonderful father! It causes me to wonder how Erica would be benefiting our world along with the 48,000,000 other little lives that have been aborted since 1973.
My husband adopted my son when he was 18 months old and we had six more children! I am thankful that there is forgiveness in Christ Jesus our Lord, who is my Savior and He has made me whole once again. He is My Rock and my strength, my Refuge in times of trouble. I am so thankful that God has given me a second chance and His grace and His mercy are ever abounding.